Faith Lights the Way, the Doigs' Story

For our annual Stake RS Conference, I was asked to speak for 5-7 minutes as part of a panel on how faith lights the way through adversity. I was one of 4 sisters asked to share their experiences with faith in adversity. After our stories, there was a little discussion. Below is the text of my talk for your reading pleasure! Grab a tissue!

Seven years ago, on the evening of November 23, 2001, our family was driving home to Rocky Mountain House from Red Deer when our car went out of control on the ice and we hit an oncoming semi truck. Everyone was injured, and our oldest daughter, Alyssa, who was 4 and our five-month-old baby Mark were injured critically. That night, I sat on a hospital bed in the emergency room while the doctors worked on my kids, trying to keep them alive. And I prayed. I prayed with great intensity for several hours. Eventually, a feeling of peace came upon me and I felt the words come into my head, “The road will be long, but you will have your children back.” Through the next days the doctors weren’t sure whether Alyssa or Mark would live, but I felt a calm reassurance that they would. Alyssa spent a week in ICU, but eventually recovered from multiple broken bones, a neck injury, a punctured lung and extensive lacerations. I feel that her healing was a miracle and I sometimes tell her that her scars are a reminder that the Lord preserved her life for a special purpose.
Mark has not experienced a full recovery. He sustained serious head injuries and to this day is severely disabled as a result. Mark is now 7 years old. The brain injury has left him so affected that even after years of intensive therapy, his developmental level is still about like a 5 month old baby. He is tube fed, has a seizure disorder, is diapered, has no ability to speak, to sit or to walk.
You may have also met our 9 year old son Austin who was born with a genetic disorder called Achondroplasia, which means he is a dwarf or a little person. His challenges, while much less severe than Mark’s, are real and significant, too.
Faith has lit the way for me through all the phases of the challenges we have had. Faith helped when I learned that Austin was a dwarf. It helped me get through the intense traumatic phase after the accident and Mark’s subsequent surgeries and hospitalizations. Faith helps me deal with the difficulties in juggling the needs of my children and the disappointments over all the things that can’t be normal for our family--things like not being able to take normal family vacations, never seeing Mark serve a mission, get married and give us grandchildren and that Rob and I may never be empty nesters. I have also drawn on faith to help Austin as he attempts to accept his limitations and define his self worth.
Here are some of the principles I absolutely know that have helped me. First, I have found it necessary to completely avoid questions about why this happened, whose fault is it, is it a punishment, a necessary test, etc…I find there are no satisfactory answers to these questions and it is best to leave them alone. It is much better, instead to just trust God. I absolutely believe that God loves us, and that he loves me personally and loves Mark personally and that “…all things shall work together for good to them that walk uprightly…” D & C 100: 15. The better question to ask of God after something like this is What should I do now? and What do you want me to learn?
I also absolutely believe in God’s plan and in the resurrection of the dead. Alma taught (11: 43) The spirit and the body shall be reunited again in its perfect form; both limb and joint shall be restored to its proper frame” I can picture our family together in the resurrection, everyone healed and perfect and it gives me great comfort and hope.
Another doctrine that I know to be true and which is an enormous help to our family is that those who are not capable of committing sin are redeemed through the atonement of Christ and are heirs of Celestial Glory. Pondering on that changes the way I perceive Mark. He is an angel, preserved from sin, destined to glory. He is a motivation for the rest of us to live true to our covenants so that we can attain what is already his.
Mark’s disabilities have also taught me about charity and about how God loves us. The opportunity to care for someone with disabilities is the opportunity to develop charity. I have learned that God loves and values us independent of our abilities and accomplishments. I didn’t always know this. As a youth, I thought my worth depended on my achievements. However, as I feel how much God loves little Mark, who can do so little and how much he loves Austin, who will never in this life be an athlete or have normal body proportions, it reminds me that he loves me and all of us regardless of what strengths and limitations we have.
Last, I’d like to talk about another aspect of faith, relating to miracles and healing. This is a principle I have struggled with, to be honest. All of Mark’s priesthood blessings, and he has had many, promise healing, and yet we have not seen it. Lately, I have come to dread blessings because they play with my hopes and leave me, not only disappointed, but worried that my lack of faith may be an impediment to the Lord performing his will for Mark. Eventually I always come back to the feeling that I need to just leave it to God, and trust his purposes and timing.
I have learned that while faith in Christ is required to perform miracles, and I do attribute faith and priesthood power to Alyssa’s healing, faith is not a free pass from the difficult experiences of mortality. Many of those with greatest faith were not saved from tribulation or death. Consider this. Was the faith of Shadrack, Mishack and Abednego who were saved from the fiery furnace greater than the faith of Abinadi because he was burned? The idea is absurd. The difference in the two situations was not a difference of faith but of which outcome best served the Lord’s purposes. The real test of faith is not whether we can get healing, it is whether or not we will be faithful regardless of whether we get a miracle. Shadrack, Meshak, and Abednego, like Abinadi were resolute in their faithfulness regardless of the outcome. Daniel 3:17 records Shadrack, Mishak and Abednego’s last statement to the king before being thrown in the furnace. If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us ...
18 But if not, … we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up.
I believe that God’s promises will all one day be fulfilled both the general promises and those specific to me and my family. The road will be long, but you will have your children back, and promises of Mark’s healing will all be fulfilled. Whether in the resurrection, at the Second Coming or by some other miracle in the meantime, one day he, as well as Austin will be whole. In the meantime, I try to love and accept my children as they are and hope that I can be faithful to God regardless of blessings and challenges. I love the words to the hymn Lead kindly light. I hope I can trust the Lord enough to say in my heart as the hymn suggests, “I do not ask to see the distant scene, one step enough for me.”

Making lemonade out of lemons, or making an ice rink in winter

It has been cold and snowy this winter. I decided to make the best of it by constructing an ice rink in the backyard again this year. The above pictures are from the first day of action on December 29th when the rink was smooth enough for skating. The kids have had a great time already skating, playing hockey and washing each others' faces in the snow. The deep snow, which is now at least twice as deep as in these pictures makes for a few lost pucks, and oh so much shovelling, but lots of fun. This week the weather is supposed to be milder--i.e. closer to freezing than to -30 so it should be fun out on the rink.

Christmas Morning at the Bryners

I know it is after the fact now, but I had to finish my series of pictures of our visit to Bryners with some shots of Christmas morning. I think you can see the excitement on the kids faces and the excitement and fatigue on the faces of the parents. Though the parents bought the kids a few gifts that were all too practical--towels in Liz's family, clothes for Preston and Alyssa and shoes for Austin--by all accounts, Santa was pretty generous this year. I'm glad we got it straightened out that he is an NON-fictional person and not a fictional character. Aunt Becky lost her head for a while there, but is recovered now. Later in the morning we went to Christian's parents place. The kids had fun playing scattegories and other games, and I braved playing Cristy at Boggle. Good times!